drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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