before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
