we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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