My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize