You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize