Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize