I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
