i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
