Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
