I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
