i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
