i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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