At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
