apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
