tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
