He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
