Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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