Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
