but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
