i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
