Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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