you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
