all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize