Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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