i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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