Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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