I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
