You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a beard to bite.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize