I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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