Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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