I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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