meet me or not, i'm out of control
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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