why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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