chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
