you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
