come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
