i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize