Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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