When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
