They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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