A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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