he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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