When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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