If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
