Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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