Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
