So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
