So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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