You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
