Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
