I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
