I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
