Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
