somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
