do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
