i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
