jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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