i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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