Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
