I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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