You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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