The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
