I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
