so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Green mimosas i think yes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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