you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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