Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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