The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
