I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
