I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
