yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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