ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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