All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
