Screwed.edu
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
