Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
